


Vintage

by recrudescence



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-20
Updated: 2010-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recrudescence/pseuds/recrudescence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a badass isn't as easy as it looks. Stick with any one method too long and the little people start thinking they know what to expect. That's just unacceptable.</p><p>(Inspired by a prompt that called for Kurt/Finn, with Puck playing matchmaker in his own asshole-ish way.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vintage

  
Being a badass isn't as easy as it looks. Stick with any one method too long and the little people start thinking they know what to expect. That's just unacceptable.

Dumpster-tossing is old news and shoulder-checking takes no skill whatsoever. Pee balloons and shaving-cream filled lockers have their merits, but they've been done. He needs something more sophisticated. Setting goals is important. Coach Tanaka always says that. Mr. Schue, too. Puck totally plans on citing his sources if anyone calls him out.

So he watches _Fight Club_, which is never not a good idea, and decides it's time for a trial run in psychological mayhem. Target sighted. Just to mess with him, since Kurt so clearly has a thing for Finn. Puck makes up his mind for good when he passes him in the hall and bluntly says, "Finn wants to do you."

Hummel, as expected, doesn't disappoint. He turns as pink as his sweater and sputters at him. "Finn _what_?" Recovering, but not as fast as usual. Score. "Very original. Step it up." And he swishes on by.

So Puck does step it up. He starts being nice to him, since it's not right to be hating on the bizarre object of his BFF's affection. Finn would kick him in the balls if Puck ever said that to his face—or he'd at least try to. Finn's got decent hand-eye coordination, but Puck's reflexes are awesome.

He lets Kurt believe Finn will go about this at his own pace, feeding him crap like, "Finn's my man. I gotta deal with this. He talks about you all the time, but he's just too shy to do anything." And every time Hummel just sniffs and rolls his eyes, but Puck can see him wanting to hope and believe every last word.

It's gonna be awesome when Hummel can't keep from making a move and completely humiliates himself.

Then Puck walks in on them making out in Finn's cowboy-print closet of a room and realizes it's actually true. "When were you gonna tell me?" he blurts out. "Am I not your best friend?"

"Yeah, but you're also kind of an ass," Finn says mildly, not moving his hand from Kurt's waist.

Puck thinks for sure Hummel must pranking him back. Maybe he bribed Finn to go along with this somehow. Maybe Ashton Kutcher is involved. "So. How long have you been a wide receiver?"

"Not long." Hummel, like a cat with the cream. Bad comparison. He doesn't actually want to imagine Finn and Kurt doing the nasty. "I talked to him about you, after the first time you so eloquently said he wanted to 'do' me. I asked if he could possibly shut you up, but he said it was kind of true. So...thank you, actually."

Puck wants to punch something. Maybe Finn. Maybe both of them. Fuck sophistication; sometimes the oldest methods really are the best. Kurt's beaming. "This obviously wasn't your actual intention, but it just might be karmic justice."


End file.
